I for Interspecies
by Rennyangelee
Summary: Just another Gill bio fic, but with an unashamed fangirl included. Interspecies relationships are a largely unheard-of sexuality. Humans are considered the most vulgar creatures of the air, the worlds in the air themselves altogether forbidden by marine life. And I have a secret crush on Gill, so guess who the OC is? No flames, please.
1. SCHOOLDAYS

1: prologue: SCHOOL DAYS

A/N:

Grateful to these beautiful stories and their wonderful authors:

"Saltwater Love" by TideRider925

Certain scenes Inspired the title and helped to birth the original plot bunny

"Help! We're Not Human" by LuluCalliope

Seeing another unashamed Gill fangirl proudly acting out her fantacies via fanfiction is really encouraging

"Memmories Kept Alive" by CelestialRainstorm

One of my favorite Gill fics on this site, and one I never get tired of rereading, along with Lulu's story

Annoying disclaimer: this is fanfiction, therefore, I own no copywrited material…if someone from Pixar did find this fangirl's fanfiction, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it

Please Note: I've never actually seen anything besides light/dark contrast and splotches of color (no details). A tv screen is a blue light. So I'm not that confident in my visual descriptions/gestures/etc. My visual knowledge of Finding Nemo/Dory is limited to the audio descriptive narration of the movies and the little things I've picked up through fan forums and fanfiction. I listen way too hard to the dialogue, the descriptive details from the narration, the sound effects, and even the location of the sounds in stereo.

Here goes…enjoy.

Gill couldn't understand why he was so introverted-dangerously introverted and not as empathetic as a fish should be to other fishes-growing up. He swam with a little school, much like the average moorish idol, but he showed signs of breaking away and growing up far sooner than the other juveniles. He never seemed too interested in his schoolmates' lives or thoughts-or their anything, for that matter. Gill would much rather be on his own, in his own head, wandering and wondering about what else was out there that he had not yet had the chance to explore-what was outside the water, even. Rather than discuss the latest school gossip, Gill wanted to know if anyone knew what more there was to the boats than their underside. Rather than debate about the best way to win a mate from competition, Gill would search for good hiding places and plan diver-watching.

In the eyes of the other fish he came across, Gill was different: he was acting how an idol should act at first glance, majestic and contemplative and (so to many females) extremely atractive; but to those who really knew him and tried to talk to him, he seemed too interested in the world outside the water: the world that could never-should never be reached willingly. That rule of never provoking the creatures who swam in the air-humans especially-was the Number One rule of the ocean. It was unsettling to others, therefore, that Gill be so intrigued by that other world. And the fact that this curiosity was unsettling for them and not for him kept Gill isolated.

With the setting of the moon came the rising of the sun; with the rising of the sun came a new day. The ocean water of the Great Barrier Rief changed from a deep indigo to a clear aquamarine as schools upon schools of fish emerged from their beautiful homes to find breakfast and start the day. . And past the dense, colorful coral, away from the crowded but seemingly friendly underwater neighborhood, Gill sighed in relief.

Each morning, when the sun rays first reached down through the water, Gill rose early and snuck away from his small school to diver-watch. Sneaking away from a school was always hard. It was hard when you had parents or teachers or older fish who's job it was to watch you. If there was no authority fish, it might be easier if the school was big enough, but Moorish idols didn't live in large groups. So Gill had to be quiet and quick about sneaking away. It wasn't that he didn't want any friends…it was the opposite really, but his schoolmates just never understood how much he really liked to watch humans. And if they did find him diver-watching, or if he even brought it up, there was a guarantee that things would end ugly.

It was times like that when Gill envied other types of fish who had parental figures. His school joined others for some time during the day for lessons on how to survive, but the lessons were the only time that he interacted with an older fish. Besides, more and more often, the little school was reminded that they were growing up and getting more mature with each passing day…and soon, they should be looking for mates.

Gill pushed all that from his mind, though. This was the only time that he would get to himself all day, and he was going to take advantage of it. Now, where were the divers? They should be out by now.

"Hey! Gill! Found ya!"

It was the smirking self-appointed leader of the little school. So much for alone time. Gill wished that Tyranos would just find a mate already so Gill didn't have to exist to him anymore. Once a moorish idol found a mate, no other fish existed. And if an other fish got in the middle, intentionally or not…well, the gravity of that threat was known to just about everyone. Even humans knew of a mated Moorish idols agression, and that was saying something. The one thing that humans seemed to know about idols of the ocean was that they were extremely protective and possessive of their mates. Humans didn't know much else, though, and they were supposed to know minimal…that was how it was supposed to be. Don't bother them, they won't bother you; don't get curious about them, they won't get curious about you. But humans didn't follow the rules, so the fish had to teach them…by getting the message of "leave me alone" across the best they could.

Gill thought different though…if the humans wanted to learn about idols, why not let them? And why not learn about humans too? Gill had observed them, and they seemed really unlike the horrible, life-destroying, air-breathing monsters that the stories made them out to be.

No sense in trying to convince anyone, though. Even if Tyranos was a bully, his opinions were shared by everyone except for Gill. "Humans and fish don't mix," Tyranos Was saying now. "Why don't you just play your role as an ocean fish like Mother Nature demands and leave the barbarians be? I tell you the same thing every single time, Gill. And everyone agrees: humans are best avoided."

"And who is everyone, Tyranos? Oh. Just you, Toady, and Stooge." Gill always felt better standing up to his rival when his lackies were not around. Although it was true that every idol but Gill did avoid humans, nobody tried to enforce it so brutally like Tyranos.

"You're outnumbered," Tyranos deadpanned as the lackies themselves came swimming up behind their leader. The two new arrivals dutifully threw patronizing looks to Gill before fixing there gazes on Tyranos, who glanced carelessly around before ordering them to line up behind him. "It's almost time for lessons and we don't want to be late." As always, Tyranos in front, then Stooge, then Toady, and Gill at the back. Tyranos cared least if Gill got killed, and Tyranos, being the leader, was most important anyway, he said.

The lesson on that particular day was a cautionary tale of a fish getting captured and not getting eaten, but becoming a "pet" to the humans that captured her. "And so," the teaching idol concluded, "the fish was fed and cared for, but only to be a decoration. She knew that when she died, she might be eaten too…or perhaps just fed to a larger creature. We never know what humans are truly capable of…all we know is how they have treated us thus far. And after studying them over the years, we have concluded that humans view all other creatures on this planet as things to make profit or pleasure from. And that is why contact with humans is strongly discouraged and approaching one is strictly"—the teacher was looking directly at Gill now—"strictly forbidden."

"A pet. How degrading," Tyranos was saying afterword. "better than being food, but still—humiliating." Toady and Stooge just mumbled in agreement. As if they ever did anything else. They always followed Tyranos like mindless little clumps of algae, no matter what. Yeah…Gill couldn't wait until they all got mates and left him. For now, though, Tyranos had succeeded in making Gill's intrest in humans known all over the rief, and so nobody wanted to go near the "human-loving freak."

Several days later, Tyranos, Stooge, and Toady were "mate hunting." Gill hated that term. Hunting was what predators did to prey, not what mates did to mates. Gill sometimes fantasized about having a mate, but could never see their face. What's more, he wasn't even sure if they would be a Moorish idol. Whoever they were, Gill knew by instinct that the two would be together for life, and that not a soul living or dead could tear them apart; so at the very least, life with a mate should be worthwhile for both mates. So, when Gill got a mate—if he ever got one, his mate would feel like the luckiest creature in the world. If Gill felt that way about them, they should feel the same about him.

The one good thing about his school off searching for mates? Gill had a whole day to watch humans without being disturbed! Near the dropoff, Gill found his favorite little alcove and waited patiently. Not far behind him, the rief hustled and bustled as per usual, and nobody knew nor cared that Gill was where he was. It was perfect. Soon enough, the familiar shape of a boat's underside appeared; the low sound of a motor reached Gill's ears; the sealife around him quickly rushed away from the approaching boat, some yelling "It's a butt! Swim!" But Gill stayed, feeling that familiar rush of excitement that comes with doing something you shouldn't—that also came with watching the creatures he could never get enough of.

The rumbling stopped. The anchor came down. And minutes later, human feet descended into the water. There were two divers today, with thick water skin and big faces and air tanks strapped to them. Gill liked to watch their faces when they saw his ocean home. One diver seemed the more experienced; she was talking to the other one, telling him not to touch any choral. Good, one educated diver at least. Diver Number Two seemed to be focusing intently on what Diver Number One was saying, staring around at the dazzling choral and abundant plantlife, in awe of the beauty of the ocean. And now, Gill could just relax and watch.

After doing this for awhile, Gill liked to think he knew much more about human divers than other fish. True, he had visited the living spaces of fish that were known to have had contact with humans at some point and learned valuable things like some proper terminology, but the more Gill observed divers, the more he learned and the more he was convinced that humans were more complex than even the rief he lived in.

Some divers came down with no experience, and looked a little silly. Unfortunately, these were the ones that all the fish talked about: they touched, they grabbed, they forced their fancy technology in on the sealife—and some didn't care about throwing their waste into this underwater world. No wonder everyone thought humans were horrible when these stories spread and infected the mind like parasites! Those that came down to take fish away were feared even more, and the fear of not knowing what fate awaited the fish once they were gone (food? Pet? Decoration?) only fueled the panic, and so those fish-takers were deemed just as bad as the rief-destroyers.

But the divers that no one ever talked about were the ones Gill liked to watch. They just looked around mostly. They sometimes had those flashy things that snapped and (so Gill was told once) took "pictures" so the diver could see the rief later, but they made sure not to disturb any bit of marine life and even picked up human waste that they could see—even if it wasn't their own!

The two divers Gill was watching today were doing just that now. Diver Number one was collecting human waste in a net and looking sadly at it, and Diver Number Two was inspecting the environment like he was checking for some damage and smiling at everything.

Diver Number One's mouth moved again. 'I've got a full net here, Ben. Think I need to get another?'

'Nah. Looks good. Just take it up. Wow, Kaylee, it looks amazing here! I think we're not really needed here.'

'Well then, I guess we could enjoy ourselves for a bit.' Kaylee was smiling along with Ben now.

These were okay humans…they would know not to hurt him. So Gill swam out from the hiding spot.

Both Ben and Kaylee smiled wide when they saw him. 'Oh. Hello, hansome! It's nice to meet you, buddy. Look at that…nice coloring, graceful shape…wow, you're a beautiful fish. I can't believe it: we saw an idol! How great is this day?'

Feeling appreciated…liked…this was also why Gill came out here


	2. Saved by a Diver

2: SAVED BY A DIVER

A/N: three things I haven't seen in fanfic that I'm trying to work in here: possibility of Gill knowing Marlin (I snuck in my version of the Marlin/Choral meeting), Gill's 'rebellious nature' leads to his capture, and the only tank Gill's ever been in is Dr. Shermann's. Enjoy.

The only friend Gill ever had while living in the ocean was a clownfish named Marlin. Marlin was almost too friendly, but he was determined to be pals with Gill, and after a short time, Gill just didn't want to keep pushing him away. Marlin didn't stop until a challenge was conquered, and apparently one intriguing challenge was befriending the "human-loving freak." But Marlin was the only choice of a friend Gill had then…a good friend, Gill came to decide. Marlin was almost obnoxiously enthusiastic and terribly impulsive, but he was also extremely loyal to those he considered worthy (which included Gill somehow). Though Marlin loved the structure of the rules that governed the rief while Gill was curious about the unknown, they balanced each other out: Gill was Marlin's voice of reason while Marlin was Gill's optimist.

Not to mention, Gill didn't feel quite as forgotten when his whole school found mates—all at once. It was pathetic, he thought, that he should feel sad at all at the school's breakup, but he did.

Marlin, though, understood immediately. "You were part of something," he said. "You belonged to a group and you had a connection with other fish. Not a great one. But a connection. But hey, you still got me!"

Gill returned Marlin's grin. "Yeah, I do." And the grin faded. "Until you find a mate."

Marlin sighed. "Yes. I'll live and love to live until I find a mate, and then my real purpose will be to please her and raise our offspring. Until then, though, I can enjoy being yung! What about you? Any females you're interested in?" And now Marlin leaned closer and Gill inwardly sighed.

"None yet. It's almost peculiar…everyone's getting a mate, and I just don't have that desire right now. It's like I can't find a fish that makes me feel the way everyone is saying they feel. It sounds a little silly, I know, but…"

"No," Marlin said kindly. "I get it. You mate for life, and so you really want to find someone who will make the whole remainder of your life meaningful. I'm looking for that too. My schoolmates are telling me it's not that big a deal, especially since we clownfish can switch gender if we really need to, but I want something genuine, you know?"

"Yup," Gill said, smiling. "And this is why we're friends."

"Besides," Marlin mused, smirking. "We both know that when you do find that special idol, it won't be too hard convincing her!"

Gill swallowed hard as Marlin swam away, happy and oblivious. Gill had put on the poker face that he'd gotten good at wearing, hoping that Marlin wouldn't notice anything abnormal; and Marlin didn't, being a fish who was simply too eager to please. Now Gill was on his own for the night again, alone to contemplate the bitter irony: he could have any pick of any of the many female Moorish idols around, but he knew for a fact that he was most definitely not attracted to Moorish idols. Parents adopting juviniles of a different species was seen as touching, but a mating between two fish of a different species? That just didn't exist. It was unheard-of. It had never happened. Noone ever brought it up; no one ever said it was wrong; no one talked about it. Period. And so Gill swam back into his little cave on the edge of the rief, unsure how he felt at the bittersweetness of being on his own.

It was mating season again. And he was finally old enough, so no more excuses. Gill went with Marlin to the safest part of the rief, where content singles rarely swam and very yung juviniles were not allowed. The coral seemed brighter here, the water clearer. Fish of every color, pattern and species mingled around, some searching for good matches, others looking for their long-time mate. This was also the place to begin reproduction without fear of being disturbed; there were many convenient crevaces.

Gill gazed around after Marlin left him to mingle with the other clownfish. Even here, each kind of fish had its own little clique. Even if he did try to connect with a different fish, everyone in the clearing would notice. (Even the excuse of experimenting wouldn't work. He would just be deemed weirder than he already was.) But he could pretend to be interested in the species of fish that was "allowed." He was good at pretending. So he pretended to be looking at the female idols while he daydreamed about…something he couldn't admit even to himself.

And then he spotted them: Tyranos and Petti, Stooge and Sassy, Toady and Tyreen. They were floating by in two lines of three. Tyranos and Petti at the front—surprise, surprise, surveying all the others they could see, trying to get as many envious looks as possible.

What no one knew but Gill was that Tyranos had bent the story. Gill had been watching out of sight (as was his specialty by then) when Tyranos met Petti. The two had spotted each other, chatted a bit, and carelessly matched up the underlings, then called it good (and went at it). The top fish were so excited about their "beautiful future offspring" and the way they looked together that they could care less about anyone else—not too much of a change from before, really. The four former flunkies got together only because their leaders had. But what story was told? If you asked any one else, Tyranos only agreed to mate after endless pleading from Petti when she agreed that Toady and Stooge could have Tyreen and Sassy, as a "kind gesture to her future mate." This made it look like Petti and Tyranos cared about their schoolmates when they, in fact, did not. The flunkies simply had no minds of their own, and the leaders let them stay to be a constant audience if ever they wanted one.

Gill turned to show his tail when they turned in his direction now. He didn't want them to see him looking and give them that satisfaction. He turned completely around, silently telling them that he had no interest whatsoever in their lives anymore, and spotted Marlin in the middle of a group of clownfish. Gill drifted towards them, an eye on Marlin. Marlin tended to lose his confidence around a large or intimidating group of fish, so Gill floated close by just in case Marlin needed a wingfish.

Gill arrived just in time to see Marlin acting like an overenthusiastic dork—as always. Perhaps the right female would find him endearing, but so far he was just coming off as trying too hard. Every fish near him was laughing out of sheer awkwardness and turning away…except for one.

Gill felt a great leap of excitement when he saw a female clownfish a little ways away, hiding her face behind some plants…but she was laughing. Hard. Gill suttly signaled to Marlin to peer in her direction, and when Marlin saw her, he beamed and rushed over.

"Excuse me!" Marlin said to her, moving in close. "Could you check and see if I have a hook in my lip?"

The female was giggling so much that she could not speak. She tried to move away and catch her breath, but Marlin must have thought that she was uncomfortable, and so he moved even closer as to not let her slip away.

"Oh…you gotta look closer, 'cause it's way in there!"

"I like yo-" the female managed just before Marlin's lips met hers. She was already a little breathless, it looked like, and the two fish froze as they made contact: a perfectly romantic kiss.

Her name was Coral. Gill met her a couple of days later when Marlin introduced them. Coral was calm and rational, yet found Marlin's impulsivity and childlike enthusiasm adorable.

Gill's work there was done.

Gill only came out of his cave to eat now—well, eat and diver-watch. No matter where Gill looked, even at the edge of the rief where it wasn't as busy, there were cute little couples—some with happy families. It was like mating seemed to fix everything. Mating made a fish complete and took away all the worry and insecurity about the future. Mating was the next step for a fish of Gill's age. It was the law of fish nature—in the simplest terms: survive at all costs and reproduce when appropriate.

There was no reason that Gill should be without a mate…so what was missing? What was the reason Gill couldn't feel that feeling that every other fish he knew seemed to feel eventually? If Gill really just tried hard to find a mate of his own, could he finally feel normal? (And would mating quell the strange fascination he had with) humans? Marlin hadn't been lying when he'd remarked that Gill would have no trouble convincing a female idol to mate. Despite Tyranos' insistence and hard work, females seemed far from uninterested in Gill. Gill knew that his parents, whoever they had been, had done him a favor with genetics, and that he was one of the few healthy, single male idols left now, and yet…he hid. He hid because how would you explain to a distraught female that it really wasn't her fault? That you just didn't feel anything? And then when she asks, "Well, what about so-and-so? She's prettier than me and makes you feel something, right?" And then you say something about no, no fish makes you feel anything. How dumb would you look then? Very dumb. And very insensitive. Not worth it, right?

But what if Gill just tried once? So Gill returned to the sheltered clearing deep within the rief alone. But at the sight of the bolder females and the lustful looks they gave him, Gill ducked away. He couldn't help feeling like mating with an available female idol here would result in her using him for reproduction and him playing the role of a mate with no feeling behind it at all. And after they left, simply because he was curious, Gill watched the other fish, all kinds and colors of species, and wondered why he felt nothing, no matter which one he looked at.

Maybe if he didn't mate for life, maybe if he could have a couple of chances, he could try; but Moorish idols had only one chance at mating. No pressure. A lot of pressure, actually. Gill knew he would continue to feel nothing until he found whoever his mate would be, if a mate was indeed in his future. That didn't give him any comfort, though; it looked like he was out of luck now. How pathetic would it be to be one of the few pitiable forever-single fish?

Gill couldn't bear to watch those happy couples anymore. He turned tail and raced away from that stupid spot, determined never to set fin there again. Mates were everywhere and Gill had no mate. He was an outcast. He would always be an outcast. Perhaps Tyranos was absolutely right when he'd teased about Gill getting taken one day: perhaps that was what would happen…perhaps Gill never belonged here at all. Gill continued swimming and swimming, past the choral structures that towered above sandy clearings and past the caves In the rocks and out of the safety of the rief.

He froze nearer to his cave, though. There was a female idol floating by a cave not far from his. She was delicate and graceful and had pretty purple eyes. When she saw Gill, she ducked down shyly. "Hi," she breathed.

"Hi, said Gill politely, swimming up to her. "I've never seen you before. What's your name?"

"Shailo. I usually keep to myself. But I, uh, I've seen you around a lot."

Gill smiled nervously at Shailo, but didn't say anything. What was he supposed to do now again? He'd only ever seen idols paired up after they were sure and after they'd…bonded. What happened before that?

Shailo was speaking again. "I, um, I was wondering…I really like you and…I like that you're kind of low-key…and…wouldyouliketobemates?"

Gill stared at her for a minute. And then he asked the stupidest question… "How do we know? I mean, it's happening all over: fish are just hooking up and that's that. How do you really know when you've found the one?"

"I don't know," Shailo answered. "I was wondering about that too. But I know that I like you. I even like that you watch humans! I know that sounds weird, but you know which humans are okay to get close to—so you probably know a lot. I think if we had a family, we could teach our children to be smart about humans. I like that you gave some humans a chance and made them happy and knew that they wouldn't hurt you. So, if you're still looking for a mate…" she trailed off.

Gill had been absolutely ecstatic when she mentioned liking him liking humans! But when she said the word family, his happiness evaporated. There it was again: the emptiness. The feeling no sparks when you were supposed to feel sparks.

Shailo was swimming closer. Gill let her. He stayed still, holding his breath, as she touched her nose to his in an invitational nudge.

Shailo swam back, and so did gill. They released the breaths they'd been holding.

And Gill stared down at the sand, feeling heartless for feeling nothing.

But then Shailo spoke. "You don't feel anything. That's okay. I understand."

Surprised, Gill looked up at her to see an understanding smile on her face. He smiled apologetically at her, but she just kept looking kindly at him as she swam away.

Okay: Gill wasn't coming out of his Cave again. Ever. She was right there…the perfect mate…and he couldn't. Shailo was perfect for Gill: she liked humans too; she was quiet and low-key; she was not aggressive; she was kind. But Gill didn't feel anything when their noses touched. Although idols pair bonded for life, love at first sight wasn't a thing at all; but you could tell whether you had found your mate when you nudged. But it was terribly awkward when one felt it and the other one didn't.

Gill wasn't worried about Shailo: she would find the fish that would be hers eventually. She was even so sweet about him not reciprocating. Gill knew she would be all right…but that still didn't change the fact that he felt like the biggest jerk in the ocean right now. He was prepared to see a rejected female be furious with him or distraught at his rejection or even unperturbed and continue persuing him…but a kind acceptance of his saying no? That felt even worse somehow.

Maybe…maybe he should just get out of here.

He stopped at the drop-off and gazed out at the inviting open water. . The ocean went on for miles here…Gill could travel if he wanted, swim on and on and see all the parts of the ocean that he'd only ever heard about. He could be whoever he wanted, no fish to judge or dictate what was and what wasn't acceptable. He could be a private fish who didn't have to listen to or care about any other sea creature and watched divers without a care in the world. Sure, there were plenty of predators outside the only rief he'd ever known, but so what? It was the ocean—it was a vast ecosystem of predator and prey no matter where you were in it.

But as a white, boat-shaped something drifted into view, Gill heard a voice he hoped he would never hear again. "If you like humans so much, why don't you just mate with one of them? They seem to interest you more than your own kind, anyway." Tyranos emerged from a small cave nearby, wearing a sneer and accompanied by Petti.

Speaking of predator and prey! Would the only way to be rid of this predator be to leave the rief and get as far away as possible? Gill sighed deeply, feeling irritated and tired. "Why don't you guys just go back to mating? Isn't that all you do nowadays?" And Gill turned away again. He turned away and stared hard at the far away boat again, mentally begging it to move closer quicker so that the two happily fertile mates would just go away.

"Well, at least we can keep up with nature's demands," Tyranos sneered, gliding up beside Gill. "At least we aren't wasting our time doing frivolous, dangerous things."

Petti was staring at her own dorsal fin, admiring it as she delicately waved it to and fro. "At least we know what mating actually means: to reproduce," she said, sounding boared. And then, whipping around to stare at the two males, she continued excitedly, "You know what I heard? Some octopus and some ray tried to mate! Hah! Can you even? Like that could ever work!"

Her mate laughed along with her and the two tossed jabs back and forth about how interspecies love was so disgraceful, disgusting, outlandish, outrageous, stupid, useless. Gill was silent, trying to block out their jeers, and watching as the white boat came closer and closer and finally stopped not too many strokes away.

And now, Gill laughed right back at the two oblivious idols for being so oblivious. "Hey, guys," he yelled, "Stop looking at yourselves for a second and look behind you!"

But the diver with the green mask went unnoticed by two out of the three fish. As Petti and Tyranos continued to get lost in their own world of gossip and vanity, Gill observed the diver calmly looking around at the seascape…no, he wasn't just looking at the seascape…there was a net in his hand: a fish-taker?

Gill swam in between Tyranos and Petti. "Hey. Seriously, you two. You should go."

"What, so you can keep watching for your beloved humans?This is just unhealthy. What kind of freak of nature is more interested in another species than their own kind?"

If fish could face palm, Gill would have. "You know, idiots, there's a diver right behind you. If you don't want to get caught, get moving!"

Finally noticing the net now, the two other idols moved in closer to Gill—a survival tactic: the net could hold just one adult fish; there was no way the diver could catch all three of them if they stuck together. But Tyranos had to make Gill's situation even worse by speaking as they all swam away. "Now that would be the ultimate disgrace to marinekind—actually acting on interspecies atraction."

"So," Petti drawled. "Do you want to get caught, Gill? Do you? Do you have so little respect for the ocean's laws that you would allow those air-breathers to think we could have a reason to dislike them less? Or, Neptune forbid…do you believe you could actually love one of them? Now that would be the worst kind of interspecies!"

"So what if I do like humans more than fish?" Gill blurted before his brain could process what he was saying. And then he stopped. What he had just said freaked even him out a little.

As Petti smirked with satisfaction, Tyranos turned around slowly, and the look he gave Gill was even more frightening than Gill's nightmares about sharks and eels. "You traitor…you human-loving betrayer. If you ever do get caught, Gill, remember this: you are a fish of the ocean, and the ocean's laws and culture deserve respect, even from bottom-feeders. Respect your oceanic roots, Gill, no matter what. Don't you dare go spreading your toxic ideas. Don't you ever allow humans to think we could learn not to loath them. You are aware of our ancient traditions, aren't you? No matter how different fish are up there, ocean fish show pride of their homeland, don't they? If you ever give a slight indication of…surrendering to your despicable fantasies, our entire society is at risk."

Gill had heard all this before, of course, and so he tried to swim away. He was more than aware of the ocean's laws. It was not uncommon for Gill to get in trouble as a youngling on a regular basis for being seen deliberately seeking out and watching divers. That's why he had to sneak out in the dark. That's why he was so elated when he didn't have to worry about a school or interacting with older fish. Gill could practically resite the ocean's laws by heart by now, Tyranos or no Tyranos:

"The most important law, above all others, is that of balance: each role in the ecosystem, no matter how small, is essential. Upsetting the balance leads to chaos. Therefore, roles must be followed and retained for the safety and function of all creatures, from the algae to the sharks. And any creature who disturbs the delicate balance in any way is a threat to our society and to nature's progression, and so must be righted."

In other words, one fish can't change ancient tradition; he can be shunned and dubbed as a dangerous rebel, though. So that's who Gill had always been.

Gill made to swim past the diver and out into the open ocean, determined to leave the rief behind altogether and live as a nomad who made his own rules, but Tyranos blocked his path. "You know, Gill, it's because of fish like you that our world is getting destroyed by creatures like humans…ever heard of deliberate deselection? Think the flipside of natural selection."

If that meant what Gill thought it meant…he dove down and raced away, weaving around structures and plants, going back towards the diver every couple of minutes, hoping that Tyranos would lose Gill or give up eventually when he saw Gill so close to a diver with a net. But Tyranos was determined, and Petti would follow her mate anywhere, so it was two against one—never good odds.

Eventually, Gill became tired enough not to be as precise or speedy, and he didn't swim right past the net…he got caught. Gill stopped moving to catch his breath, thinking that maybe getting caught was okay with him. He'd be around humans without even having to try. He could never, ever let them know that he didn't actually hate them, but he could watch them day and night if he really wanted—that is, if he wasn't getting eaten!

Gill jerked his snout out of the net and stared around wildly…no Tyranos. No fish at all. Whatever his fate was, he would go without anyone knowing. And now, Gill was scared of the net and the human. For the first time, he feared what this human had in mind.

Gill took a deep breath and looked into the face of his captor. Kind eyes gazed back at him. And then the mouth moved. "Hey, fella. I'm not gonna hurt you. You won't be food, and you won't be just a decoration, either. I take care of my pets. Fish are animals, and I love animals. I can take care of you, fella. Come on, let me take you away from here."

The net was a quiet way out of a world where Gill never belonged…not that he'd ever let anybody figure out that was how he felt about the ocean. Ocean fish must take pride and defend their homeland. Ocean fish must never give humans or birds a reason to come near. Ocean fish must never stray outside of their roles within their ecosystem. Well, if circumstances blurred the lines of the boundries, they could be stretched without being completely broken, couldn't they?


	3. Identity On His Own Terms

3: IDENTITY ON HIS OWN TERMS

A/N: My FN muse comes and goes. It popped in during the summer months, slipped away around the end of last year. You'll have to bear with me with this story, but I promise I'll do all in my power to complete it—even if it takes me years! I have the whole thing outlined, and I've already posted some of it, so there's no reason why I should just leave it all hanging. Now if only life would understand that…oh well.

Gill didn't resist getting captured as much as he should have. Here was his chance to satisfy his curiosity about humans-the forbidden kind of curiosity, you know, that excitement to learn about something that nobody knows. There was that unspoken rule, though: ocean-dwellers and humans should never, ever meet-it will end badly. Only one way to find out if that was true.

In Gill's opinion, at least in the beginning, tank life became something akin to paradise quickly enough: there was always a perfect temperature, perfect chemistry, clean environment, and okay diet. The diver, who Gill soon gathered was named either Phillip or Dr. Shermann, was extremely miticulous about keeping the tank water feeling and tasting just right; a strange device kept Gill's new home spotless at all times (Gill would, of course, learn all about the filter later); and Gill was gently weened off of sponges and algae and on to some bland pellets that, while adequately neutricious, did nothing for flavor, and so Gill did not eat as often as this human expected him to. Gill learned quickly not to eat the fake plants or the fake coral that were purchased to decorate the tank. There was plenty of swimming space, despite the fact that the diver enjoyed adding tacky decoration after tacky decoration until the tank was divided in two by the fake plants: pretty shells and gems and bright little structures on one side, darker, sunken-ship-related décor on the other. After Gill discovered how convenient the skull with the eye patch was for a nice dark place to sleep, he didn't really concern himself with the other decorations.

The best part of this new life? here, it was okay to watch humans! And there were many, many humans to watch. Fascinating creatures.

On one side of the tank—the side with the brighter, prettier decorations, there were places for humans to sit and wait; there was a box with glowing pictures that talked and made weird noises that humans liked to stare at; there were a bunch of contraptions and objects in one corner of the room that the little juvenile humans seemed to really like; the adult humans always seemed less than happy about being there, and Gill learned why when he figured out what went on on the other side of the tank, where the sunken ship and pirate decorations were:

humans came to this place to get their mouths looked at, and the diver that took care of Gill's tank also took care of human mouths. Humans didn't like getting there mouths checked very much. Sometimes the diver—who the humans called a "dentist"—put tools into a human's mouth. Sometimes humans wanted there teeth shinier, sometimes they wanted them straighter, sometimes their mouth had made them sick somehow and the dentist made them better.

The activity in just one room could get sort of boring after awhile for Gill, so he moved back and forth between the rooms a lot to keep an eye on as many humans as he could. Gill liked to swim, and the humans liked to look at him…it seemed to make them happier to watch him instead of focusing on the reason they were at this place. Gill made sure never to make eye contact with a human and to seem nonchalant and indifferent to them—he tried his best, but at times he couldn't resist interacting with them—just a little. Rushing up to a juvenile and then darting away to make them laugh; staying by a scared human laying in the reclining chair so they wouldn't be quite as scared; he made it all look as if he wasn't doing it on purpose, but he was. But if nobody knew, then Gill wasn't actually breaking any ocean rules.

Here, surrounded by humans who liked to see him, Gill didn't feel as detached or small anymore. He found himself actually happy to wake up each day when the light made its way through the one open eye of the skull so he could see all the humans. After some time, some humans that came there often remembered Gill and were actually very excited to see him. This was amazing! Noone telling Gill he was weird for being close to humans, no need to hide from them, no need to explain the odd or questionable behavior here or there to anyone…it was so freeing!

It didn't last, though. Before Gill could even think about getting lonely (which would have taken quite awhile, really), there came news of more fish coming to the tank. The dentist casually mentioned it to a patient one day: "You know, I finally found some great deals on the kinds of fish I want in there. I've been looking for awhile, and I finally found 'em! Some of them'll start arriving Tuesday, I think. That little guy's not gonna be lonely in there anymore."

It was a Friday. Tuesday was four whole days away. For the first time, Gill was relieved when the dentist's office closed up that evening. He spent the weekend in his skull, not even coming out to eat. As Tuesday came closer, Gill became more anxious. Why did Philip have to go and get more fish? Gill was perfectly fine with just him in here! But the humans wanted more fish. And the dentist had been saying that research said that Moorish idols liked to have other fish in their tanks—Dr. Shermann thought he was helping Gill by getting more tank inhabitants. But he wasn't. Now there would be other fish in the tank…other fish to watch Gill and judge him, like back in the ocean…the dentist thought that human research could tell him how to take care of Gill, but Gill wasn't like other Moorish idols—Tyranos had emphasized that plenty. Gill couldn't guarantee there not being another Tyranos, but maybe he could change how he confronted the fish.

And so, on Monday, he emerged from his sleeping place with a high spirit and treated his humans like nothing was wrong: Gill had a plan for these new fish. He wasn't going to let anyone push him around anymore: he would be the boss in this tank, he decided. He would get to know his new tank mates and build a nice, safe identity that wouldn't get him hurt again.; he would be aloof and untouchable...and he would be the one doing the intimadating this time. Or he could be a fish who just stays out of everyone else's way…yeah, that sounded good too. He could intimidate just enough to get them to leave him alone and then he could peacefully go about his own business.

But for now, there were humans to visit. An adolescent and a juvenile human were standing at a corner of the tank on the waiting room side. When the adolescent saw Gill, she turned to the younger girl. "Look, Quinny, a pretty fish! Maybe he'll stay with you while you get your teeth cleaned."

The little girl, who looked to be not much older than a toddler, glanced shyly at Gill. "He looks pretty, but he looks scary too. His eyes are red, Shayleen."

Shayleen gave Quinny a look. "One day, sis, they'll come out with a fairytale about a hero who is ugly and lives in a swamp and a villain who is in this huge castle and wears a crown but is really mean…and a lady who farts and then laughs about it instead of insisting that ladies don't fart!"

"They already have a movie like that. It's called 'Shrek'." (A/N: don't own the creative rights to that, just an old VHS copy!)

"And what did that movie teach us?"

"That fairytales aren't all that's in the world, and you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and there's more to someone than what they seem."

The big sister's expression softened. "That's right. So what do you think of that fish there?"

Gill glided up closer to the sisters and pressed his snout above little Quinny's finger. Quinny let out an adorable, overjoyed little giggle. "Hi, pretty fishy!" You know, your eyes aren't evil because there red…they're like rubies! And rubies are jewels! You have eyes like jewels, fishy!"

Gill smiled back at Quinny. Neptune, he would miss having these humans all to himself when the new fish came. Shayleen smiled briefly, but then Barbara, the dentist's receptionist, called Quinny's name.

The little girl's smile vanished and she looked pleadingly at Gill. "Could you stay with me while I get my teeth all sparkly? My sister's going to choir practice at the big opera house and I don't want to be alone."

Gill nodded and forgot about his future tank mates for a short time. Quinny and the dentist were chatting like old friends not too far into the appointment; but Quinny still made sure to look over towards the red glow of the aquarium for Gill every so often. And Gill didn't even bother to hide how pleased he felt; who knew if he'd ever get to be like this with humans again?

Later that week, Gill's first tank mate arrived: a pink seastar named Peach who had come from a place called EBay. She seemed very scared at first, and so Gill gave her some space for awhile. She hung out in a corner of the tank on the shipwreck side, opposite Gill's pirate skull home. At first there were only awkward nods between the two, Gill interested in discretely watching humans and Peach interested in the things humans looked at, but by the end of the second week, apparently she had had enough of the two of them just floating around each other. While they were eating, she looked Gill right in the eyes and said, "Hi. My name's Peach. What's yours?"

Gill stared at her for a moment. Her eyes were black and beady, yet she seemed to hold no hostility toward him—only curiosity. Gill knew from experience, though, that he shouldn't just assume. Tyranos had seemed nice enough at first too; but when he realized how passive the others were, he jumped at the chance to be the boss. Gill had made the mistake of telling Tyranos about his interest in humans before Tyranos had shown his true colors, and Gill was not about to make the same mistake with Peach. "Gill," he said quietly.

Peach seemed nervous under Gill's intense stare. "I…uh, I came from EBay. Where did you come from?"

Gill carelessly flicked his tail toward the window behind them that faced the harbor. "The rief."

Peach's eyes widened. "The rief—as in…the ocean? Wow. That's amazing."

Gill sure didn't feel the same. "It's just the ocean. Nothing too fancy." And nothing too pleasant mostly.

"Oh, come on. All that open space, all the different places to live…I bet the coral in the ocean doesn't collapse when a pregnant starfish tries to sleep on it! That happened to my mom. A couple of us survived, though. I was sent over here after my last human decided he didn't want starfish anymore. But I like it here. This place is way better than my last aquarium. The dining is actually tolerable and the temperature and the lighting and everything doesn't actually cause me any stress. I can't say I wasn't glad to leave. That guy didn't know how to take care of marine creatures. Sorry, uh, am I rambling?"

"You're fine. You're also in good hands. Our guy knows what he's doing."

"That's a relief. So what's your story?"

Gill sighed. "There's not much of one. My school all found mates, I was on my own, and eventually I was picked up by the dentist."

To Gill's relief, Peach seemed satisfied with that. The conversation moved on to what happened around here and why. Gill told Peach what he knew about dentistry—which wasn't all that much. But Peach told Gill that a relative of her previous owner had been studying dentistry and she knew quite a bit of vocabulary and was familiar with the basics.

"You really remember all that?" Gill asked, genuinely impressed.

"Well," Peach mumbled, looking away shyly, "They—they left their textbook open a lot, so I just read when I was bored."

"Whoa. You can read? In the ocean, you're only taught to read if you show enough intelligence and you have a genuine interest. I never did," Gill lied quickly. On the contrary, he had more than a little interest, but he had been afraid of fish asking the reason behind the interest.

Peach didn't seem too uncomfortable around Gill. Yes, she was a little nervous at first, but politeness and courtesy soon remedied that. Gill's plan of being polite enough wile still keeping his guard up, of allowing his tank mates to feel at ease while at the same time making it clear to them that he wasn't about to spill any secrets, seemed to work well enough. It worked fine with Bloat and Jacques, at least.

Bloat was a brown puffer from a pet store called Bob's Fish Mart. He adjusted really well to the tank; he got along well with Peach and seemed to respect Gill's desire for privacy. He was gentle for the most part (although theatrical and hot-tempered at times). Human children seemed far too interested in watching puffers blow up, which meant that Bloat's line of defense had become to easily triggered in captivity (luckily, it was just as easily reversed). Gill found Bloat's presence and relaxed demeanor soothing and Peach and Bloat soon found a great source of entertainment: the dental procedures. Gill only half followed them—he was more interested in the humans themselves—their behavior, their tendencies, their mannerisms—than he was in these specific and oddly detailed procedures that they performed on one another.

Jacques, a cleaner shrimp, was apparently a gift from the French prime minister (Gill only knew that because of how Excitedly Philip chattered about it several days before Jacques arrived). Jacques didn't really speak that much English at all, but was a fast learner at picking up a phrase or gesture here and there, so the language barrier never posed too big of a problem. The shrimp busied himself with cleaning, as most cleaner shrimps do, and Gill soon grew indifferent to seeing Jacques pop out of nowhere or invade a personal space momentarily just to clean and dash off again.

In regard to tank fish overall, Gill thought they seemed oddly…sheltered compared to what Gill knew; like juvenile ocean fish almost: naïve and trusting—unaware of the danger and deception of predators; placing all their trust in the creature who cared for them and becoming too used to it. But though humans were the source of food and health to tank fish, and although the quality of tank life depended completely on the human managing the aquarium, if the human made smart decisions about the fish and the environment like Phillip did, tank fish were free to be whoever they pleased; there was no need to hide or to protect yourself against your tank mates. Gill soon learned, however, that not all tank life was paradise. Tank life could require adaptation to a changing environment, much like the ocean. Philip called all of his fish "rescues," and the last three fish to join the aquarium had definitely been in need of one.

Bubbles was a Hawaiian yellow tang who came from fish o rama. Like any of his species, he was hyperactive and took as much advantage of the swimming space as Gill had. But Bubbles—well, they all assumed his name was Bubbles—he didn't say much unless it was something to do with Bubbles. He did respond to that name, which was good enough for Gill. This yellow ball of energy clung to the treasure chest in the tank (which released an endless stream of bubbles when opened) like it was his life line. It was like this fish considered bubbles the only constant thing he could rely on. This was probably true, Gill thought. Peach had explained to Gill earlier that a pet store was a place where humans sold animals to other humans, and often times, the time at a pet store and before a permanent home with a human was very nerve-racking and stressful. And if there were less than positive experiences with a human, it could negatively affect an animal's mind.

When Gurgle, a royal gramma, came from PetPalace, Gill began to realize how fortunate he was to land in Dr. Shermann's aquarium. Pet Palace had recently shut down due to poor management and badly maintained living conditions, and the dentist had saved Gurgle, who was one of the few surviving fish. Unsurprisingly, poor Gurgle had developed an intense fear of germs due to that experience and so he spent most of his time near Jacques. Fortunately, Jacques understood how traumatized Gurgle was and didn't mind being at his beck and call…mostly.

Debb was either a blue-and-white-striped damsel fish or a humbug—Gill was not sure. She was shipped here, like Peach. But she didn't really talk about where she'd come from. Debb was really quite cheerful and loved to join the others in watching dental appointments. And like the rest of the tank fish, she was very peaceful toward Gill (Bubbles seemed to care about nothing but his namesake, and Gurgle virtually ignored Gill, which Gill wasn't too sure what to make of yet). The only thing really strange about Debb was her…sister. She spoke to her reflection and called it "Flo." Flo was a coping mechanism, though, like Bubbles' bubbles, so Gill didn't really think much about trying to shatter Debb's illusion. Thankfully, the other fish seemed to think along the same lines .

Living in a tank could be safer than the ocean in some ways (food, shelter, health, etc.) but unstable in other ways. There was no guarantee of a home for life…or a long life. It all depended on the human whom you lived with. Gill did his best to reassure his new tank mates, though, that their dentist knew what he was doing and would make every effort to take care of them all. Fortunately that didn't need much convincing. It didn't take long for the fish to see for themselves how attentive Phillip was to their needs. Apart from Bloat and Gurgle getting into arguments which Debb usually settled, Gurgle's almost irrational attachment to Jacques, and Bubbles random outbursts of mania over his favorite thing, tank life quickly became peaceful once more.

Additionally, humans gathered around the tank more often to watch a favorite fish, so Gill could be even more discrete about his interest in his favorite species. Gill secretly agreed with his tank mates' overall view of humans: the good ones like the dentist would take good care of them. But even to these fish, humans were just there to feed them and keep them healthy and it was just a bonus if they were entertaining. Humans themselves weren't really creatures to interact with. So Gill was still different. Even fish that grew up and matured around humans didn't want to have any kind of relationship with them other than symbiosis. And Gill still had the ocean rules to follow. Yes, he only followed them out of habit and fear at this point, but he would be considered weird even in the eyes of the tank gang if they knew how much he liked humans, and so Gill's human-watching (which was taken advantage of as often as possible) continued to be a secret; and in the evenings, Gill limited his interactions with the other fish to avoid prying questions. Gill could just "not disagree" and then he wasn't technically agreeing with the idea of potentially good humans. As far as he knew, the humans here were mostly peaceful and kind enough toward marine life, unlike the nightmarish ones that ocean fish were taught to fear. And having tank mates who were indifferent to humans was far better than having schoolmates that were anti-human at least. So even though he still had to hide, Gill preferred this secrecy in a tank to the secrecy required in the ocean—much easier to handle. And much, much more to learn this way.

One particular afternoon, Gill was gazing out the tank wall on the tropical side, looking out into the waiting room. The human activity here was more interesting than on the other side to Gill, so the others watching the dental procedures worked out really conveniently for him. Today, he found himself staring at a mother human and her baby. At least, Gill assumed it was a baby: it was small and needy and mostly helpless. The mother was holding a long something to its mouth and the baby, who had been making distressed noises, quieted down and began working its jaw and the stuff inside the long something started to disappear. Baby human food, Gill guessed. A human male came toward mother and baby after a moment and the two adult humans stared down at the baby together and then gazed at each other. They were mates, then—the way they held each other's gazes was unmistakable. They were mates, and that baby human was theirs. Gill couldn't tear his eyes away from these three humans. He stared at the little human family until the receptionist called them in. Usually he would just let them go and look around to watch the other humans in that room, maybe the younger ones would play with the toys in the corner…but the humans in there now were adolescents or adults and all engaged in staring at what was in their hands: some had hard rectangular things they would tap here and there and some had big flimsy things that crinkled and had weird squiggles on them that had been picked up from the tables in the waiting room. Boring zombie humans. So Gill slunk back through the plants to the other side and slid behind his skull where the others wouldn't see him (one good thing about his time in the ocean as a youth: he got good at sneaking). He wasn't sure what it was about the idea of a family with humans that he liked so much…

In the other corner of the tank, the six other inhabitants were eagerly watching Dr. Shermann prepare for a surgery. Peach saw the IV stand and the O2 mask and gasped. "Someone's going under!" she said excitedly.

"Oooooo!" chorused the others. Bloat and Debb and Gurgle were huddled around Peach, trying to see as much as they could and Debb was whining to Flo about being in the way; uncharacteristically, Bubbles was still and silent, waiting in eager anticipation; Jacques was calmly resting on one of Gurgle's raised fins so he could see. Soon, much to the excitement of every fish in the tank, the family entered the office and the female adult human laid in the chair, looking a little scared.

As he bounced the fussy baby, the husband asked his wife softly, , "Love, which fish in the aquarium is your favorite?"

"I like all of them. I'm just gonna watch them until I'm out." The wife gazed into the aquarium as the dentist explained how the drugs for surgery worked and gave the husband a brief 'what-should-happen' with regards to the gause and the pain that came after wisdom teeth removal. After the husband and baby left, the dentist connected the IV and the gas mask. There was some idle chitchat to calm the patient down, but soon enough, she was unconscious and the dentist picked up something…sharp.

And Gill slipped back to the waiting room. He didn't like seeing humans getting cut up, even if it was to help them. He caught some bits of Peach's commentary and Bloat's and Debb's reactions ("Oh, I think he's got a tooth! Yup, there's that second impacted tooth. Wow, these are deep." "I wonder how many are in there? Does she need all four out?" "I hope so—this is actually fun to watch.") But Gill didn't really want to listen. So he watched the male human and baby waiting on the other side of the tank. Now that he was away from his mate, the male wasn't wearing his confident, it-will-be-allright face anymore. He took out one of those hard rectangular things from his pocket, and soon the door opened and an adolescent male came inside.

"Hello, little cousin," he cooed to the baby. "Hey, Uncle. You okay? She should be halfway done already." The father sighed, and his nephew gave him a sympathetic look. "I can take my little cousin," he said, reaching out for the baby and waiting patiently as the father handed her over. "You know me, Uncle: I love babies. I know how to take care of her. You just take care of Auntie. We're family: we can handle this together. But, Uncle, it is just wisdom teeth!"

Inside the tank, Gill heaved a sigh as he watched the cousins leave. Not for the first time, he wished to have that bond he saw in some human families…but the forbidden part was just this: he wished to be a part of one of those families. He could be happy…he could feel loved…he could be free to show his love for his humans. But Gill couldn't have his own human. He had to share the humans he did get to see with six other fish that wouldn't understand him, and that was just what he would have to live with.

On the other side of the plants, the gang were discussing the wisdom teeth. "I can't believe all four came out!" Bubbles said, excitedly swimming circles around the group. "That was—was—was crazy fast how he got them all!" That was it for Bubbles, though. He would happily listen to the others now as he played with his beloved bubble box.

Gurgle spoke next. "I can't believe she all thought we were all from the ocean. Can you imagine? I can only hope that there's more good bacteria in that place than bad!" And off he went, muttering about nightmarish germs and how he would go crazy without a working filter and a caretaker who knew how to feed him the right way.

Debb picked up the conversation. "Yeah, it's funny that she thought we were all from the ocean when we're all from pet stores!"

"Well, not all of us," Peach said. "Only one of us is from the ocean. And by now," she added, voice raised so Gurgle was sure to hear, "if Jacques hasn't decontaminated him enough, the filter definitely has."

And then Bubbles was back, and he and Debb and Jacque and Bloat and even Gurgle were gathering around Peach, asking for details. Peach told them that Gill came from a place called a rief and described pictures that she had seen, but couldn't tell them much else. To fish that had only known tank life, the ocean was this exotic place that everyone had only ever heard about; no one knew or had seen what the ocean was like, but it was something they all daydreamed of…the ocean was open water with many a place to call home and plenty to do…and there was exponentially more freedom, possibilities, wonder, beauty…but also danger. Exciting danger, but danger. "Gill lived in the ocean for a while, I think," Peach said. "He told me the rest of his school got mates before he was captured."

"Woooow," Bubbles murmured. "Some humans at FishORama called the ocean 'the big blue' once. I wonder if it's really that big and that blue. Gill knows a lot, I bet." And then he was swimming excitedly about again. "Hey, we should ask him!"

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea," Peach warned, and Gurgle grabbed Bubbles before he could rush off. . "I think it might have been, well, I'm not sure if he really liked it there."

"What makes you say that?" Bloat asked.

"I don't know. He never talks about it. I mean, I know he doesn't talk much at all, but when it was just the two of us, sometimes he'd talk to me. And I got the impression that he didn't have the best time in the ocean."

"Yeah, but he could still teach us what he knows. That way, if we ever get out there, we'd be prepared," Bloat said. And, spotting Gill gliding toward his skull to wait till food came, Bloat called out, "Hey, Gill?"

Gill froze where he was. Great: they were trying to talk to him when he wanted nothing more than to forget they were there. All he wanted was to go back to his skull and only come out to eat before going to sleep, like usual. But he didn't want to be a complete jerk and ignore Bloat, so he turned and gave the puffer fish a weary, impatient sort of look. "Yeah?"

And now six pairs of eyes were drilling into Gill, who was stonily gazing back. Finally, Peach spoke. "Gill, what—what was life like in the ocean? If we ever ended up there, what would we need to know?" And then the words were tumbling from her mouth. "Is it really as magnificent as the pictures? How do we know how to avoid predators? How do we know what to eat and how to pick a place to live? Could you teach us? I mean, you used to live there. Could you tell us about it—what it was like there?"

What it was like…it was like nothing he would ever want to experience again. All that open water…all the beautiful seascape…and he hadn't really felt free at all there. Gill closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn't just tell them all. He had to keep his walls up lest someone find a crack and break through. Gill came from a fish-eat-fish world in more ways than one.

Bubbles watched Gill for awhile, who appeared to be deep in thought. Finally, Bubbles innocently asked, "Is it very blue?"

Eyes still closed, Gill said "Yeah" very softly.

"And…is it really so big that it's it's own world?" Debb asked. "Like it's completely separate from the world that has all the creatures of the air?"

"Yeah."

"Is the sea really that open and is every fish that free to swim anywhere?"

"Yeah."

"Is it beautiful like the pictures? Are there really that many colors and places and possibilities?"

"Yes."

"Is it safe?"

"Is food easy to find?"

"If we ever got there…would you teach us how to survive there?"

Gill opened his eyes and looked straight at his tank mates. "Sure. If we ever get there, I'll teach you guys all about food and safety and tricks for escaping predators." At the word predators, the gang visibly flinched. Gill continued speaking. "Yes, there are predators. There are bigger fish that will think of nothing else but eating you. But there are ways to know where a predator is and there are ways to escape them." As if they'd ever get to the ocean…what reason would they have to leave here? But the others just gazed at Gill intently, wrapped around his fin, hanging on his every word.

The fish food came raining down and everyone scrambled to have there share. Gill ate quietly like usual, but the others were animatedly discussing the ocean…or rather, what they dreamed about the ocean. Bubbles talked about how much space (and of course how many bubbles) there would be; Peach went on and on about how beautiful it must look and how many places there were to live; Debb gushed about the beauty and the potential for more friends and companions; Bloat was all about the variety of food; Jacques and Gurgle were passively listening but no less excited. And Gill tried to retire to his pirate's skull as quickly as he could.

But Peach stopped him. "Hey, Gill?"

"What?"

"Sorry if we were annoying you or something. It's just…the ocean's this amazing place that we've all heard about but never been, you know? You know, like that place you always wanted to explore but never could?"

"I know." Gill knew all too well. "And I meant what I said: if we ever get back there, I'll help all of you learn how to survive there. It'll be hard, but it won't be impossible."

Peach smiled. "Thanks, Gill." And she turned and attached herself to the tank wall. And Gill glided towards his nice dark skull.

They were looking up to him. They all thought that the ocean was this fish paradise (but Gill knew better). But all it took was a promise of helping them to survive once they got there and those fish-eat-fish concerns were not as concerning. They were putty in his fins now. Gill also knew that someone on top could make the rules of the school and pretty much not be hurt. He didn't want to be a Tyranos, but he liked the idea of not being bullied by his tankmates. So what if Gill was the mysterious, private ocean fish? Nobody could question him or emotionally scar him anymore. He promises them to guide them and assist them if they ever reach the ocean (like that should ever need to happen), and they will leave him to his own business. And then he could keep his secret and nobody would ever know that he doesn't agree with the traditions he was taught (or even what those traditions are). This could work; this was a role he easily fits into. And he didn't have to even do anything…it just sort of happened…so he'll just go with it.

this life was okay…for awhile. But a certain little female human soon shook up everything the tank gang thought they knew about their new home along with a water-and-fish-filled plastic bag.

A/N: I try to wring my brain out like a sponge to write well and…this comes out. I feel like this chapter could have been a gazillion times better. And it took for freaking ever! I hope it's not too bad or too long or too expositiony! I wanted to throw that beloved initiation ceremony in here, but I found a better place for it next chapter (I think.)


	4. Perception Versus Reality

A/N: Quick disclaimer, Darla's background inspired by SuperCarlinBrothers' Youtube video theory on her origin. I like that Pixar has antagonists that aren't aware that they're antagonists, and I wanted to give Darla that benefit of ignorance too instead of her killing Giggles and the dentist being like, 'Ah, it was just a goldfish.' Also, rant: The name of the goldfish that Darla shakes to death is Giggles, not Chuckles. Chuckles is the clown from ToyStory3. Bubbles clearly says "Poor Giggles" in the movie. Why is he called Chuckles in all the articles and fanfiction I've seen? And…I think Darla's hair is read…if not, tell me and I'll fix that.

The lines that the ocean's culture tried to draw in bold noticeably began to blur before long. Gill learned, little by little, about bending some rules just enough to benefit in the long run; he learned that as society evolves and new discoveries come to light, rules can and sometimes should be changed; he learned that sometimes, rules must even be broken in certain situations; but most importantly, Gill learned that ocean life couldn't transfer to tank life as nicely as his old school hoped would be possible. The rule about ocean fish never interacting with birds of prey was set to be broken when a certain brown pelican literally came flying in to the lives of the tank gang one day.

Gill's skull home had only one open eye: the eye closer to the window. Usually, he was awoken by the sun around midmorning. Growing up in a cave, he didn't exactly rise with the sun, but he still learned to judge the time of day by its position. Usually, his tank mates would all gather at Peach's end of the tank where the unnatural light was and watch the dentist from there. So when Gill woke earlier than usual, and not to the sun but to their voices far closer than usual, he rose immediately. He floated just out of sight and watched, weary and critically. Why were they all at the window? They all seemed casuall and they were all talking, but they were directing their attention to the windowsill and not the dentist's chair.

And then Gill heard a new voice. "I'm Nigel. I've always been curious about what goes on here. I'm glad you—what was your name again? Bubbles. I'm glad you saw me. Mind if I watch with you all?"

Gill was frozen: A pelican! A pelican sitting right near an open fish tank. He felt like a fishsicle as he continued to observe. Everyone was introduced and Nigel seemed friendly enough…didn't act like he'd swoop down and pluck one of them out of the water.

The tank fish didn't seem to stay weary of him after too long. And soon enough, Nigel was meeting them all right on schedule every day to enjoy Dr. Shermann's work day as much as the fish. Not having the instincts that were so crucial in the wild, the tank fish had no trouble welcoming Nigel with open finns. And Gill found he felt terrified for them, should they ever end up in the wild. Thank Neptune that wasn't a possibility.

Now Gill's trouble came when he woke after Nigel arrived (which meant he couldn't take his time finding a good hiding place to watch the humans). This didn't happen all the time, but Gill was growing more and more grateful for his skills in being discrete. But Nigel, being a hunter by instinct, did spot Gill eventually.

"Hey, you. Black and white stripes."

Gill froze where he was…so close to being concealed by those plants.

"I haven't met you yet. I'm Nigel. What's your name?"

Gill said nothing.

Nigel spoke more gently now. "You're Gill, aren't you? Peach says your from the ocean. I'm not gonna hurt you. I hunt the gray fish and crabs that live in the harbor. I can tell just by your colors as well as your spines that you wouldn't be a fish I'd want to eat."

It took a long time before Gill was comfortable being in Nigel's sight. And even then, he hardly said a word or even made eye contact with the bird. Nigel understood why Gill was behaving this way, of course, and so didn't take offense. But besides those instincts, Gill was also secretly clinging to the identity he had left—the familiar rules he had brought from the ocean. What was he without the ocean? He couldn't betray his roots…but the last thing he wanted to do was to create conflict; he'd done that in the ocean without even trying—why do that willingly here? He had decided that tolerating and keeping the peace was a better alternative to forgetting his youth. Like a bubble-maker or a reflection, detaching, neutrally observing, and not interfering had become a coping mechanism learned from a previous home.

But life had to get just a little more complicated when one little human in particular actually became life-threatening to the fish! Darla was the only human that Gill ever disliked. And even then, underneath all those negative feelings he showed, he secretly pitied her: he knew that if she was aware of what she was doing, there was a possibility that she could change. If Darla had known that she was hurting and scaring the fish by being so rough, then maybe she would have thought twice, and then she would get more positive attention from all of them. Gill couldn't show a soft side, though; better to make everyone else think that he didn't like humans, because then they could never think he would want to be close to them.

The day started out like any other: with the gang gathering near the dentist and Gill moving through the plants to look into the waiting room. There weren't many adolescents today—just juviniles—children, Gill corrected himself—and young adults. The adults were parents, and were preoccupied by watching their young, so Gill wouldn't get any attention from them. That was okay. Gill liked the children. Some of them ran around and played with noisy play things, and some of them sat quietly—some even nervously. One pretty and shy-looking girl played with a miniature fake human that she called "her dolly." One energetic boy was dashing around with a play thing, making funny noises…and nearly knocking other humans over until his mother scolded him. Some children were gathered around the glowing box with moving pictures and were watching some bright flashy something on it. Gill forgot about everything but watching the humans, as usual, until a disinterested-looking human male came through the door and talked to Barbara the receptionist. A little girl came in soon after, on the arm of a stone-faced woman. But although she called the man "daddy," she called the woman "nanny," not "mama." And then, to Gill's surprise, Dr. Shermann emerged from around the wall created by the tank and called out, "Darla! How's my favorite niece?"

Darla's face lit up and she practically flew over to Dr. Shermann. "Uncle Phillip! Guess what I—"

The dad interjected and spoke to Dr. Shermann with a superior manner about what the day would bring, how Darla's nanny would take her to the opera house to watch his rehearsal and then Darla would come back in the afternoon to spend time with her uncle before her dad took her out to dinner.

Darla reached out to tap her father's arm. "Daddy?"

Her father ignored her. "I really am glad that you could take her for awhile today, brother."

"Oh, it's her birthday! Besides, if she's really good for you two, all the more deserving of her birthday present later."

Darla was excited again. "Present? Oh, Uncle Phillip, yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She jumped up and down, darted away from her nanny and dad, and then tackled her uncle's legs in a little kid hug.

But at a gesture from the dad, the nanny grabbed her charge and pulled her off the dentist. "Darla, sweetie, calm down and behave."

The dentist's brother left with his niece and her nanny shortly afterword, and Dr. Shermann sighed and went back to his office. On the other side of the glass, Gill was frowning. Poor Darla...why were the other humans treating her like that? All she wanted to do was be excited.

Several hours later, the human families had trickled out of the building and now there was no excitement in the waiting room, so Gill swam back to where the rest of the gang were congregated. And he spotted Nigel disappearing in the direction of the harbor—perfect. Gill thought the pelican very likable, but he just couldn't shake off that predator vs prey dynamic. Stupid ocean rules. He really wanted to like Nigel, too, but it still seemed too difficult.

Gill's tank mates were addressing someone outside the tank wall again, so Gill approached wearily. When he came up next to Peach, though, he realized that there was a goldfish in a small bowl sitting on the counter not too far away from them.

"Who's that?" Gill asked Peach.

Peach smiled broadly at him. "Hey, Gill. This is Giggles. He just came from Fish-O-Rama. But he's a freshwater fish, so I'm not sure why the dentist braught him here." The others always called him the dentist, nothing else.

"Hi, Gill!" Giggles called cheerfully. "I'm happy to get an owner, but they tell me I won't live with all of you. Why is that again?"

"Saltwater," answered Gill. "Water with a different composition."

"Ah," said Giggles before his eyes glazed over. "Sorry. I zone out quite frequently. My memory isn't too bad I think, just my attention span. So, you think I'm moving into a bigger bowl? This space is okay, but just okay. Hey, who's coming in? Oh, it's that guy who baught me! Hi, Guy! What are you doing? Oh. Another bag. I hate these things! Darn, he got me. Now I have to lay around in this cramped thing. If he's taking me back, why bring me home at all. Wait, he's leaving again! Come back, Guy!"

"He'll be back," Bloat reassured. "So, you excited about getting a human?"

"You betcha! I've watched them walk around for so long, and now I get one of my own! I just hope it's one I'll like. Sometimes I wish we could choose our humans instead of the other way around. I mean, I thought that guy was my human, but if I'm in a bag, then probably not, so who is it?"

Bubbles did a flip. "That's the exciting part!"

Giggles blinked. "What were we talking about again? Oh—humans. It's always been my dream to have a human of my very own. My own human to feed me and my own human to watch and just knowing that that human will be my home is absolutely exciting!"

"It can be such a gamble, though," said Gurgle. "But I do admire your optimism."

Dr. Shermann's voice came from the other room. "Well, Barbra, Darla's present is almost ready for her. She'll be here in a few minutes, right?"

"Right, dear. You got the present all wrapped and everything?"

"It's just a goldfish. Just gotta toss it in a box. Besides, it won't be in there long."

"Oh. She loves fish, doesn't she?"

Bubbles piped up again. "Wow, you're a birthday present! That sounds good! You get a little human child too—I heard they love fish! And I bet they'll take extra good care of you if you're a present!"

"Oh I hope so. Maybe it's just my breed, but I am fond of humans."

Gill was secretly super envious: a pet. And the way Giggles talked about having a human…if only Gill could have that…to be part of a family with a human…but some of his tank mates were giving Giggles looks of incredulity and almost-pity. It made Gill wonder how much freer he could feel if he could have been put into a tank with goldfish. A Moorish idol in with a bunch of goldfish…ridiculous.

Dr. Shermann had just placed a box holding Giggles' bag out of sight when the door slammed open with a force that seemed to shake the whole building—it shook the tank gang up, at least. And in bounced Darla, red hair flying around and shout-singing, "It's my birthday! It's my birthday! I'm seven now 'cause it's my birthday!"

Dr. Shermann laughed as Darla rocketed into the room. "How's your birthday been so far, sweetie?"

Darla bounced in place. "It's—been—so—o—o—o—o—fun! Fu—u—u—u—u—un! I—had—a—hu—u—u—ge—ice—cream—cone—and—I—ha-ven't—e—ven—had—cake—yet!"

Whatever ice cream cones and cake were, Gill wondered if Darla needed them at all. All the pent up excitement was exploding now, and Gill felt almost nervous looking at a creature so much larger than him bouncing like that. Thank Neptune she didn't bounce into the tank.

"Well, I hope your daddy's buying you a trampoline," Phillip said, "because that sugar gave you a lot of energy! Have you even gone out and played since last weekend?"

Darla stopped bouncing. "Nah. All three of my friends were having family weekends. With their dads and their moms." Her face had fallen, and she stared through the tank. Bubbles drifted by her, and she smiled briefly.

Dr. Shermann looked kind of sad too. He turned away so Darla couldn't see his forlorn expression. But after a few minutes of a still-figety Darla staring at the fish and tapping on the glass several times in a row (holy shrimp, Gill had never had such a headache), Dr. Shermann spoke up. "You know, I think I have something that will cheer you up!" And he held up Giggles' box, decorated with a bow.

Darla's ear to ear grin was back. "My present!" And she lunged for the box.

"No, no, this is a very delicate present. Sit down here, that's a girl. Now open it gently. That's it."

With surprising tenderness, Darla lifted up the bag. "I could be like my mom!" she whispered. "I could be like my mom and take care of fish, and then maybe dad would let me talk to her more."

"Be careful—remember, the fish is alive like you are."

"And I get to keep him?"

Giggles smiled at Darla. "Hey, you're pretty and you look happy. You'll take care of me, right?" He stared directly at her, and she stared back. "You'll try. I know. That's enough for me. Won't live long, but I'll make it a good life."

"He's yours!" the dentist declared.

But with that realization, Darla seemed to forget her uncle's warning. She shrieked with delight, jumping up and down, and tossed the bag up in the air. At another warning from her uncle, the bag stayed in her hand and she settled onto the huge thing that patients laid in to get treated—a chair. It was a chair.

"Oh…dizzy…kind of dizzy," Giggles panted.

"Now," Dr. Shermann said, "let me get my camera and we'll take your seventh picture." He reached over to a frame sitting nearby and removed the picture from it. "Your sixth picture will go-?"

"In the box at your house with all the other ones, and the seventh picture will stay in the frame no matter what and go there next year when I turn eight, and you'll keep going until there's a box of 17 pictures, and then I'll get the box when I'm all grown up and turn 18, and the 18th picture will go straight into the box," Darla said like she'd rehearsed it (she probably had been doing this for a couple birthdays).

"Very good." And he left the room.

Darla lifted the bag up to her face again and smiled at Giggles.

Giggles smiled back.

Human girl and Goldfish both giggled.

Gill closed his eyes and suppressed a sigh, wondering why he tortured himself like this.

When he opened them, Darla was very gently swinging the bag in her hand. Her feet were tapping on the floor. Pretty soon, bag clenched tightly in hand, Darla was swinging harder and higher and longer. And more. And more.

"She's making me dizzy," Gurgle growned. The others were looking anxiously away, too.

Her uncle came back into the room, camera lense up to his eye. ("Oh, so that's a camera," Peach murmured.) Darla turned, the photo was taken, and then her dad entered the room.

"Darla, love, Daddy's assistant made a mistake. Our reservations are a little earlier than expected. Buuuut—they're at Pizza Planet!"

In a flurry of excitement, the birthday girl and her father took their leave. Not a single human seemed to notice Giggles' position in the bag, but on her way out, Darla swung her present into full view of Peach, Jacques, and Gill. Giggles was lying flat on the crinkly plastic, water all above his belly. Floating…belly up.

Gill felt completely numb as he listened to Peach somberly relay the sad news to the rest of the tank. Debb and Gurgle both burst into sobs. Bubbles' whole body seemed to droop, but he and Bloat only gave heartbroken looks and resigned nods. Nobody ate their fish food that night.

Humans…humans as predators? Why? Gill stared out of the skull's open eye, seeing nothing. The read light from the toy volcano looked like a fiery blur. Everything looked…less. Less vibrant. Less cheerful. Humans were so fun to watch until that afternoon…why did Gill have to see Darla do that?

If the fish of the ocean were wrong about all humans being mindless destroyers, had his tank mates been right to treat humans as a means of survival and a mild source of entertainment? Was Gill's wishful view of humans just…untrue? Maybe Quinny was just an innocent child, and innocent children were always cute…maybe the kinder humans were just too rare…maybe the majority just didn't care about marine creatures…hopefully the destroyers weren't in the majority, but Gill had no idea.

Something pink moved into the red. It was Peach. "Gill? Are you okay? That was a stupid question. Look. I don't know how it is in the ocean, but in tanks and petstores, it's not uncommon for fish to live short lives. Life itself is a gamble, like Gurgle said, so you learn to appreciate what you have and, well, you learn to move on if someone passes."

"In the ocean," Gill replied softly, "there's always the threat of danger. Predators can be mindless and hungry. Prey just fight to survive. The rules are really straightforward there…it's easy to tell what fish are allys and what fish aren't if you know what to look for. But up here…we depend on humans, Peach—or at least we're supposed to." Gill's voice rose. "Why would they hurt us if they're supposed to help us?"

Gill was shaking. Peach reached through the eyehole with one arm and gently draped it over Gill's back. After a minute, she spoke again. "Humans aren't so black and white. Look beyond that symbiotic relationship and it's just…too complex. It's rare to find a human that treats a fish like the dentist treats us, even. We're all really lucky to be here."

"So ocean clear roles and black and white predator and prey rules; above the ocean not so much." Gill leaned into Peach's arm. "Easier said than understood," he said.

Peach nodded and gave Gill a gentle squeeze. Look, just take some time. It's okay. Everyone needs to grieve."

It took a minute for Peach to pull away, considering the suction cup at the end of her arm, but neither fish seemed to notice.

No one bothered Gill for several days, at Peach's request. Gill hardly ate…only the little bits of food that made it close enough to the skull (he was sure that his tank mates were pushing it toward him as they swam past.) Sleep was full of nightmares about humans luring him into their hands before throwing him overboard to Tyranos, who was waiting with a sharp shark tooth and a whole lot of "I told you so." maybe Tyranos had been right to warn Gill about not forgetting where he came from. The ocean was easier to understand, even if he felt restricted there.

Although Gill had indeed been thinking about the ocean every so often, it was only do to clostrophobia, cabin fever, and (especially now after Giggles) a desire to escape fear-instilling, less-than-compassionate humans. Dr. Shermann's patients were always cranky and Gill knew that he was just a pretty thing to glance at there, despite Phillip's endearing treatment of all of them. Juvinile humans just wanted to bang on the glass walls to get a fish's attention or to agrivate Peach, or see Bloat inflate, and more often than not lately, if he was out of the skull, Gill just got a throwaway glance from an older human who murmured "pretty" before getting preoccupied with the real reason they were there. Gill was no longer the center of a human's attention—even for a moment. He supposed the rose-colored glasses would have broken at some point, but that thought didn't make the reality any easier to handle. And they didn't just break. They shattered…because they were crushed by an ignorant little child.

There was hardly any swimming space to think and relax, there wasn't too much expectation or too much to do; Gill began to understand how bordum could become insanity in a dumb old glass box, and his tank mates' strange habits seemed less strange after he understood this. The other fish began to watch the dental procedures even more intently, not unlike the humans in the waiting room focused so hard on that glowing picture box from time to time. Bubbles hardly ever let go of his treasure chest. Bloat and Gurgle's arguments, though infrequent, only ended when Bloat blew up. Debb began to grow closer with her reflection. But Gill had nothing but his thoughts, and those couldn't really distract him or help him cope. And humans just reminded him about Giggles' fate instead of distracting him. So he stayed out of sight.

The other fish had taken notice of Gill's behavior. Noone could understand why he had taken this so hard. To the other tank fish, sudden accidental death by human, though terrifying and devastating, was just one of those dangers of their environment. It was like Gill had never seen death before, the way his apitite had almost completely vanished and the way he brooded in the darker parts of the tank, trying not to be seen.

"You don't know anything about me!"

Debb flinched as she heard Gill's yell pierce the water. She turned around, trying to pinpoint where he was, and she saw Bubbles apprehensively swimming out from the fake plants.

"I told him that he should stop being sad," Bubbles said softly. "I told him that there are plenty of things to be happy about, and being happy is good because it makes being sad harder, but he didn't want to be happy."

Debb glanced at Flo, the fish who gave Debb courage and strength no matter what, and then looked at her friend. "Gill is...uh...well, I think fish from the ocean just...are different from us fish in tanks. I don't know why, but maybe because there are different rules there, the fish are different."

"I've never seen a fish be so scary before. Do you think the ocean makes scary fish?"

"I don't know. Maybe fish there have to be scary because of pre—predantors? Whatever that word was."

"Wonder what those are."

Bloat and Gurgle had glided up. "Predators," Gurgle said. "Creatures who kill and eat other creatures. The creatures who get eaten are the prey. I know only because...well, I just know, okay?"

"How?"

"Number one unspoken tank rule," Gurgle hissed. "Stories are shared only when their teller is ready."

"I'm sorry, Gurgle."

"Bubbles," Bloat said gently, "We gotta respect Gill. Even if we never know anything about him, we have to make him feel comfortable in this tank. It's not right to let a tank fish feel unwelcome or unwanted. And if that means giving him some space and letting him lead, then so be it."

"Gill needs someone, that's true, but he won't let any of us help," Debb said. "I tried too, Bubbles. Nobody can get through to him. Bloat's right—let him come to us."

Jacques gestured as he floated by. "Look."

The shrimp had a habit of drifting in and out, near and far, and of saying a lot in very few English words (he preferred French, but he learned enough English to get by).

The other fish looked, and saw Peach resting an arm on Gill's side as she spoke reassuringly to him. "Don't worry about Darla. Giggles knew what could happen…it's just common knowledge for tank fish. But we have a really great human. The dentist takes care of us."

Gill's gaze softened as he looked at Peach. "I know. I know that we all got lucky. And I'm grateful. But I can't help my instincts. I'm on alert now."

"Only Peach can break that armor," Gurgle said with a sigh. And everybody knew it. Peach was the closest out of all of them to understanding Gill.


End file.
